1. To the gentleman who has transferred in from across the oceans: While I understand that you have been brought up in a different culture with different standards and practices, I would appreciate it if you would not squat on the toilet seat. It is hard enough having to wipe the seat down and use 6 layers of ass gaskets* without having to scrub your shoe tread off the seat as well.
2. To the well endowed girl at work: I understand that you find it uncomfortable when people stare at your... endowment. Generally men, I admit. Now, to quote a wise man, "If a guy is looking at your breasts, it means his eyes are open." But, on the other hand, when you choose to to wear a low cut top that leaves nothing to the imagination, I really cannot sympathise with you. So, unless you choose to wear something less revealing, drop the indignation when people stare.
3. To the gentleman who dropped "a little water" into his laptop: First, drinking water generally doesn't leave the laptop reeking of beer. Second, the clear membane under the keyboard will clearly show the multiple colors of "water" that have been spilled into the laptop. Third, the repair tech will notice that the "water" has not only caked itself all over the memory, processor and system board, but because you kept using the laptop, it has baked said residue into a nice hard coating. Although it is not against company policy, maybe you should cut down on the beer and wine while working at home.
*JayG owes me a new keyboard for the first time I read that line...
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